I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
