My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
