hell yes lets make some ravioli
we're chasing vodka with high fives
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's blow job season.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
