Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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