do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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