i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
