This is not my ceiling
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
