Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
