hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
