he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
