actually, I'm a sock model
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
