Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
