remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
