The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize