He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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