someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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