Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
