Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
