So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
