My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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