its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
