Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
