Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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