I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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