my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
