If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I looked at my own cervix.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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