I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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