Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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