Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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