Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
