Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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