We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
