I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize