I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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