I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
