i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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