Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
