my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
