By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
