Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
