I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
