Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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