She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize