did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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