What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
