I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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