dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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