Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
