i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
