i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
third nipple confirmed
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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