I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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