Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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