get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's blow job season.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
