the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
