You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
