sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
