woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize