If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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