I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize