I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
