apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize