I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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