I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
