so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
