I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
