OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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