We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize