she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
