Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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