are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
