I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Pooping to opera.
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