Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
