I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
