Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
