The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
