the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
