1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
