I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
