with your own penis?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize