I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
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