I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
