I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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