Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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